The African Kangaroo Flying Death Rat ATTACKS

Disclaimer – This story is to be read in the reader’s most dramatic and theatrical tone of voice in order for it to be fully appreciated. The authors of this blog would like to state the story that follows is in fact truth, and every event written about did actually occur. Poetic license may have been used by some authors in order to covey to the reading public the fear, anxiety and hilarity of the situation. Thank you. 

Shannon:  As a member of the pediatrics team here, we had been invited to enjoy a traditional Congolese meal with our local pediatrician Dr. Ngoy.  The food was amazing!  I have learned that I have a new love of plantains.  Anyway, after we came back to the house, the evening was dying down so I headed into my room to change into my lounge clothes.  I walk into the closet and turn on the light, after which I heard a pitter-patter of tiny feet above my head.  I look up, assuming that it was a small animal running across the roof.  I quickly realize how wrong my assumption was when I saw two beady little eyes staring down at me.  Not 2 seconds later, a monster rat is leaping towards my face!  My lightning fast reflexes kick in and the rat lands on my right shoulder instead of my face.  It jumps to the floor, and then I chase it around the room, trying to trap it into a corner so I can get it outside.  That rat was a feisty little critter!  I thought I had him cornered when he squished his little body under the door to my room, entering the hallway.  I thrust the door open to see where he is going when I see his little tail scoot under Leanna’s door.  I think for a minute, then realize that I need to tell her there is an invader in her room.  I walk out to the living room and calmly announce to Leanna that there is a rat in her room, after which pandemonium ensues!  I didn’t realize the chaos that I would be starting.  We all run back to Leanna’s room, where the scoundrel is hiding under the bed.  I am stuck in the hall, amidst screaming and shrieking and others chasing the rat with their shoes and other items that might be used to harm our friendly visitor.  The rat finally makes it out of Leanna’s room and makes a break for it down the hall, where Becky Bryars (who admits to having a severe rat phobia) is standing, watching the commotion while holding the butter bowl.  The rat jumps on her foot, she leaps in the air, loses her footing, and she hits the floor and the butter dish goes flying down the hallway and shatters!  The rat is still at large in the living room.  It runs along the wall behind all the furniture.

Elizabeth: First, I heard screams and shouts of confusion.  Did I hear something about a rat? Before I knew it, there were people running down the hallway towards the bedroom across from mine.  I heard Shannon say it had squeezed beneath the closed door.  I found myself screaming along with the others and preparing myself to make it to higher ground.  Little did I know that would not be sufficient… as they opened the door I saw the rat scaling the wall about 2.5 feet and jumping into the air, trying to escape the crowds of people, several with weapons in hand ready to take out the little critter.  “Why am I screaming like a little girl?” yelled a 26-year-old male in pursuit of the invader.  In rapid succession there were more screams, the sound of a dish breaking, and the rat chasers running in the opposite direction down the hall.  I made it down the hallway, past the broken glass, and into the living room, where the chaos continued.  Somehow, the rat made it out the back door.  Will it return? Stay tuned.  Since this magical rat can squeeze into tiny spaces, climb walls, and apparently fly, I could only think "i am safe nowhere!" My mosquito net now serves a dual function: it not only keeps me mosquito free, but also serves as a second barrier to any other rodents who try to make an appearance.

Britni: I was sitting on my bed in the back bedroom that I share with Elizabeth, going through some of the notes I’d taken from our early morning bible study. I heard yelling and high-pitched screaming coming from the room next to mine but didn’t think much of it since our team is mostly composed of boisterous and theatrical persons. There is always someone yelling, singing or running around screaming at the top of his or her lungs in our house. I continued to focus on the task at hand - clipping my toenails – until out of nowhere, I was bowled over backward by a large, grown man who had dive-bombed me on my bed in an attempt to escape the source of all of the commotion: a very large rat. This large man-child had me pinned down on my bed and was yelling into my ear over and over again, “There’s a rat, there’s a rat, there’s a RAT!” I was able to fandangle myself out from under him just in time to see a stampede of people run down the hallway, past the door to my bedroom and into the room across the hall from mine (Leanna’s room). The scene that ensued was reminiscent of the squirrel-in-the-Christmas-tree scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: it was absolute chaos. There were about ten people in hot pursuit of the rat, most of them carrying weapons of varying caliber – shoes, books, glass butter dishes, pitchforks…you know, the usual. And ALL of them were screaming at the tops of their very large lungs. I jumped from my twin bed to Elizabeth’s, which afforded me a better view of the pandemonium that was ensuing across the hall. I watched the mess for about four minutes without even so much as a glance at the “rat” which had everyone up in arms. Just as I was about to write them all off (they must have overdosed on their Malaria prophylaxis medications) and return to my toenails, I heard a collective gasp and watched as a rat the size of a small house cat hauled arse out of Leanna’s room and booked it down the hallway towards the living room. Once again, I was knocked backwards onto the bed by the same man-child who’d attacked me earlier – he had backpedaled into my room when the rat charged towards the door and tripped backward onto my standing self over the baseboard of the bed. The last thing I recall before being thrown backward onto my butt was Becky’s scream and the sound of glass shattering onto the concrete floor in the hallway…

Melissa:  I was standing in the kitchen washing dishes when I heard a commotion in the living room.  Assuming it was just the group being dramatic about something as usual, I ignored it and went about my business.  A minute later, I hear Mrs. Becky scream, “A RAT?!?!”  As quickly as I could turn around, I notice that she has gone off to see if this story is really true.  As I’m finishing up the dishwashing, I hear a loud bang and the sound of shattering glass.  At this point I decided that maybe the group WASN’T just being dramatic and I should investigate.  As I make my way into the living room I see Bryan, Dr. Albertson, Brannon, and Dr. Peevy sitting on the couches as if nothing is going on.  I can see in the hallway that there is broken glass from the butter dish all over the floor, so everyone else is trapped at the end of the hallway.  Then, very nonchalantly, Bryan (who very slyly picked his feet up off the floor) says, “The rat just ran in here and it’s over in that corner behind the couch.”  There were many thoughts going through my head at this point.  Why are all of the men sitting on the couch as if nothing is going on??  THERE IS A RAT IN THE HOUSE!!  Is there really a rat in the house, or is everybody hallucinating?  What are we going to do to get this mouse out of the house??  Since everyone else was still in the hallway, I decided to be brave and see if I could tease the rat to come out from behind the couch.  He wasn’t behind the curtains, but I couldn’t bring myself to get on the floor to see where he was, but as soon as I looked up I realized Caroline was on the other side of the couch on the floor trying to get the rat to run my direction.  I knew at that moment that I should get out of the way, but alas, I was too late.  In the blink of an eye, I looked back down at the floor and see the MONSTER RAT running straight towards me.  Everything that happened after this is really a blur.  I recall myself running, knees to chest (afraid that the rat would get under my feet), then the last thing I remember is rounding the corner in my socked feet and wiping out on the floor. 

Shannon again:  The next thing I see as I enter the living room is Melissa Moon hitting the deck!  The rat took her down!  So Melissa is on the floor and Francie Albertson is standing on a chair with her hands to the sky, screaming as she watches the rat jump up on the curtains.  Melissa gets up and I hear her say, “I was going to be so brave, until the rat came after me!” This rat is athletic, it banks off the curtains to get to the chairs and avoid us.  Somehow Micki Peevy coerces it out the door, she slams it shut, and we all shout Hallelujah!  No more rat – whew!

This amateur sketch is what many believe the rat to look like.